08.26.03
The ‘Virgin’ Mary
You know what’s hard? Deciding whether you’re athiestic or agnostic. From what I’ve heard/read/etc, labelling yourself an atheist is just as bad as believing in God(s). How can you believe that an all powerful being exists without any kind of proof? Aversly, how can you not know that there is an all powerful being that made and controlled everything? The evidence is on the side of the atheist, although there is no way of knowing for sure, so I’ll stick with agnosticism until I’m convinced otherwise. I know I’ve made this argument terribly well. To be honest I had no intention of writing it at all when I started. I just wanted to write a skit about the Virgin Mary. So I’ll do that now.
Thomas Friedman believes Google is God. Or something. I don’t know, I just heard about it on the web and you know how people tend to twist things for their own motives. I don’t even know who Friedman is. I just know he has a silly name. Anyway, I think I prefer Google to God. At least the God of Judaism, Islam and Christianity. It’s all wrath and in the case of Christianity, knocking up virgins. Why exactly did He choose a engaged virgin? Was it because of the purity? Nah. Any virgin is as pure the next. It’s because she was involved with Joesph. God wanted to see some sparks fly. I’ll bet he was looking in when she finally told poor ole’ Joe.
“Joesph, I have something to tell you.”
“What is it Mary, love of my life?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“But, but, you said you were a virgin. Have you been sleeping around? It’s that fruit seller isn’t it? I knew I couldn’t compete with that guy. Hawking his shiny dates everywhere. You couldn’t help but fall for him.”
“No! It was God. He wants me to carry his seed into out mortal realm or something. I couldn’t hear very well. He must 180 cubits tall.”
“Oh yeah! God chose you to carry his child into this world. I’ve heard you blaspheme a few times carrying the water home.”
And I think I’ll leave it there. Anymore would just be stretching a bad joke beyond all elastic limits. And I’m not doing that already. Oh no.